A Night With Bella Edwards POV
by jyvonne13
Summary: Just what the title says. Edwards goes to Bella's house one night and relfects on...life. red, review, and enjoy!


A Night With Bella (Edwards POV)

I ran through the forest as fast as I could. The trees flew past faster than any human wouldn't think possible. I could see them perfectly though. Finally I stopped behind a rock near a clearing. I took care to be completely silent. I looked over the rock at about ten deer crowding around the water. I pointed out the biggest one; I could smell his warm blood as it pulsed through its veins. It burned my throat. They were crowded around peacefully, not realizing I was there. They'd run once they saw me, but I knew from experience even the fastest deer was no match for my strength.

Honestly I didn't want to be out hunting right now. I wanted to be with _her_. I knew she missed me as much as I missed her, I hadn't seen her all day after all. It killed me to be away from her, just the mere thought that something had happened to her sent me into an anxiety attack. Despite my longing for her, I knew I needed to hunt. My throat had been burning with the desire for blood the past couple days and I felt weak. I was sure tonight if I simply caught one whiff of her own blood, I wouldn't be able to control myself.

I shook the thoughts out of my head and focused on my prey. Vampires were easily distracted due to our high senses and this fact often annoyed me. I focused on that one deer and then I sprang. I flew through the air, the only sound being the wind behind me. A female saw me and ran followed by others. I landed on the hard ground. The big one was fast but I ran at top speed and grabbed it. It struggled uselessly then I broke its spine so it wouldn't feel any pain as I did this. I sunk my teeth into the flesh of its neck. Its blood poured into my mouth soothing my throbbing throat.

Two minutes later I had sucked him dry but I wasn't satisfied. I dropped him at my feet and scanned the clearing and found one doe lurking behind a bush watching. I smirked, perfect. I crept up on it but it didn't move. Finally I jumped and it tried to run but I landed on it and sucked it dry as well.

My thirst finally quenched, I ran back through the woods.

_I wonder if Edward is still around here…_

Alice. Her thoughts came from my right and she was still a good distance off. Even still I ran towards her and found her in about a minute. When she heard me behind her she quickly turned around and snarled ready to jump me but stopped when she saw me. "Oh, hi Edward."

"Hello Alice."

_Oh god I feel so stupid. How could I even think about doing that to Edward…?_

"How did you know I was here?"

"How do I know everything else?"

_Smartass._

I shook my head in fake pity. "Watch your language Alice."

"Going to Bella's huh?" She said keeping a glare fixated on me. "She'll be asleep when you get there."

"I don't mind. It's interesting watching her sleep."

Alice smirked. "I have to go." _I have to go and meet Jazz._

I smirked as well. "Oh you're meeting Jazz? And what exactly are you and Jazz going to _do_?"

She looked at me confused for a moment but then caught on to what I was getting at. "Shut up you perv." Then she ran past me at top speed with thoughts of Jasper running through her mind. One thing about reading minds, it's not easy to block out all the stuff you don't want to hear.

I took off towards Bella's house. The town of Forks was fast asleep. I got to her house and jumped up towards her window. I grabbed the window sill and held onto the shudder and quietly opened it. Then quietly crawled in and found that Alice was right (as always) Bella was asleep. I quietly shut the window. I walked over and knelt down on my knees next to her face. Her beautiful pale face, her cheeks with that usual rosy tint, her beautiful eyes were shut in a deep sleep, and her long hair fell limply across her face.

I could hear everything. The ceiling fan whirring softly above us, the sound of the heater and the house settling, The sounds of the water in the pipes, I heard Charlie's dreams about Renee (even though I tried to tune this out), I even heard a fly passing outside.

What frustrated me was that I couldn't hear her thoughts.

Ever since the painful transformation of becoming a vampire ended, I could hear the thoughts of _everyone_. Money, love, fame, family, sex, pain, interests, death, I could hear it all and it fascinated me. I will admit it can be a little annoying when I hear things I just don't want to hear, that's when I wish I never had this power. But I continue being grateful for it because it's interesting and often funny to hear what people have to say, not to mention I can keep my family updated on the humans suspicions about us.

But with her…silence. As hard as I try I can never hear what she's thinking. I've thought of many reason's why I can't hear her thoughts. Maybe because I love her Maybe because she's the one human that knows about our world. Even still, I find ways to contradict these theories. I've asked Carlisle, but he came up with the same things. So I sat there and tried to see into her mind but it was useless as always.

I opened the drawer of the table next to her bed. The CD I'd given her for her birthday with my piano songs on it was on top. I took it out and opened it but it wasn't in there. I opened her CD player and found it in. Then I hit play and her lullaby played softly.

I had given this too her on her birthday before I left. I sighed in memory. Leaving her was the absolute _worst_ decision I'd ever made. I thought she'd be better off without me, it seemed as though I was causing her pain being near her. She had told me everything when I came back. How beyond depressed she was, like there was a piece of her missing. She was having hallucinations every time she did something reckless. This almost put her life in danger and I made her promise me she'd never do something so dumb like jump off a cliff again.

I was incredibly depressed as well. It was beyond anything I'd ever felt before. I spent my days thinking something bad was happening to her. I'd gone up to visit the Denalli's for a while but even still that didn't help ease my pain like I thought it would. I would lay on the bed for days not moving, ignoring my thirst for as long as I could before the pain got too excruciating. I wanted desperately to go back to her, but I thought she wouldn't want me anymore, and I knew she was better off without me. As painful as it was, I didn't go back.

Then Rosalie told me she was dead. That she jumped off a cliff and drowned. That was when I was done! I was done living. I'd inflicted this pain on her, she was so depressed she was suicidal. It was _my_ fault. I didn't want to live in a world without her in it. Knowing she was still there was the only thing that kept me from needing a straight jacket (and Emmett surely would have given me one if Carlisle and Esme had allowed it). The only way to kill a vampire is to rip us apart and burn the pieces, and the Volturi would do it if I put the invisibility of our world in jeopardy.

As I was walking out into the sunlight with all those people watching I swore I heard her voice distantly. She was shouting, pleading for me to stop. I knew I must have been dreaming, I deserved this, I deserved hell and that's where I knew I was about to go. I felt the heat on my body and I knew I was about to die.

Suddenly something collided with me it wasn't strong at all but I felt weightless myself and felt myself being pushed back. She kept talking to me but I was convinced I was dead. She brought me back to reality and I realized she was real. What was happening was real. I'd put our lives in danger. The events that followed are too terrible to describe, thankfully they'd spared us.

I looked back at her from my position on the floor. She'd come back for me despite what I had done to her and it was more than I deserved. She'd come back for me, she still loved me, even though she shouldn't. Never in my life had anyone made me hurt so much being away from them. Normally I liked a little solitude myself being how I can hear everything and I need time for my own thoughts once in a while. She was different; she caused me pain being away from her. I'd never felt so vulnerable and lifeless and I'll be damned if I ever let anything like this happen again.

I ran my hands through my hair and gripped onto it for a moment in frustration thinking about how much of an idiot I am, for putting her through all that I've put her through. None of it would have happened if I had just ignored her like my instincts had told me to. But things happened the way they happened and despite what has happened in between, I know I can't live without her and that somehow I'm supposed to be with her as much as I try to deny it. I've pushed the limits of reality over the edge for her and there's no going back.

I dropped my head to my knees and stayed there for a while as the pain eased. If vampires could cry, I would be.

I looked back in that drawer and found a slip of paper. It was from Jacob. I quickly read it over:

**Bella,**

**I don't know why you're making Charlie carry notes to Billy like we're in second grade—if I wanted to talk to you I would answer the**

**You made the choice here, okay? You can't have it both ways when**

**What part of 'mortal enemies' is too complicated for you to**

**Look, I know I'm being a jerk but there's just no way around**

**We can't be friends when you're spending all your time with a bunch of**

**It just makes it worse when I think about you too much, so don't write anymore**

**I miss you too**

**Jacob**

and put it back. As much as I hated Jacob, I appreciated him; I knew I owed him big time. He was there for her when I wasn't. He cared for her when I left. He kept her happy and alive. She probably deserved him more than me and I'd let her go if she wanted to, all I want is for her to be happy. I know he hates me for doing this to her, and believe me I hate myself for it. But he can never know how much I appreciate him for this. I worry about her when she's around him, a young werewolf that can't control his temper and could kirk off any second and hurt her. She trusts him, but I don't even though I wouldn't tell her this, I don't want to make her mad at me. If he ever did hurt her though, I'd kill him.

"Edward."

I looked up thinking she was awake but she talks in her sleep which is why it's so interesting to be in here. I placed my hand on her warm cheek. "Yes love?"

"Jacob…Jacob don't leave."

This is what frustrated me about not being able to read her mind. I know she loves Jacob, but I can never know how much. I've asked her before but she'd never give me a straight answer. She doesn't want to hurt me by making me think she loves Jacob more, but then again she doesn't like to hurt Jacob either even though she thinks she is by rejecting him. She feels torn sometimes. That much she doesn't have to tell me, I can figure that out just by looking at her. But like I said before, if she ever wanted to go to him, I'd let her if it were to make her happy.

"Edward!...I love you."

I chuckled and kissed her forehead. "I love you too Bella."

I pressed pause on her radio then crawled into bed next to her. I got under the covers and her back was too me. I put my arm over her waist and rested my chin in the crook of her neck.

I felt her warm human skin. I felt her blood pulsing through her. Her blood was like my drug, my own personal brand of heroine as I had described it to her once. Its scent burned my throat even though I had just fed. I had more self control somehow after what had happened in Volterra. I guess the fear of losing her had influenced this. I sometimes felt like I'd lose control of myself any second, now I know I would never do it.

She wants to be like me, so she can be with me for an eternity or two. Sometimes she doesn't understand why I'm so against this. Part of it, is that this isn't the life I would've chosen for myself. Carlisle only did it because I was dying of Spanish influenza, he wouldn't do this to anyone who had no other choice. I don't have a soul as much as she tries to convince me otherwise, and she shouldn't want to give it up. I try to tell her about the excruciating pain that comes with the transformation, how uncontrollable she'll be as a new born vampire, how she won't be herself for a while, how she won't be able to see Charlie or Renee. She won't budge.

Another reason is that I'll miss her as a human. I'll miss the smell of her blood even though it causes me pain. I'll miss the feeling of her breath on my face. I'll miss the way she blushes and how she sometimes lets her hormones get the better of her. She's willing to give it up but I'm not.

I told her I'd do it, her only condition being she has to marry me first. She doesn't like the idea; I know she loves me that much is clear, she's afraid of what people will think, of what Charlie will think. She keeps saying she's only eighteen; she's too young, blah, blah, blah. In 1901 it was normal for people to get married at sixteen, and after all I'm 108 years old, it's time I settled down. I chuckled, I knew how she felt but she wants to be like me, that's my condition.

Soon the first rays of morning came through her window. Wouldn't be long now before she was waking up. I looked at her clock. Eight o clock now. Sure enough a good fifteen minutes later I felt her stir. She yawned and I resisted a laugh. She tried to get up but I held her down and kissed her neck. "Good morning sunshine."

She looked over her shoulder at me and smiled. "Good morning." She yawned again. "When did you get here?"

"About eleven, I had to hunt first."

"Yeah you did look a little thirsty," she said yawning again.

I snickered at her obvious understatement. "A little thirsty?"

"Okay a really thirsty, your eyes were black."

I took in a big breath of her delicious inviting smell. I imagined her taste, her sweet warm blood in my mouth warming my insides. I let my mind wander for a moment then stopped myself and focused back on reality. "Any plans for today?"

"Can we go to the meadow?" she asked. I felt her struggling and I realized how tightly I was holding her so I loosened up. Then she turned to face me.

"Whatever you want to do." I brushed my fingers across her cheek and felt some kind of electricity run through my skin. She took my hand and laced her finger's in mine and I rested my forehead on hers. Her warm human breath hit my face as I looked into her beautiful brown eyes so bright and full of passion. It made me think back to when I was human for a moment. How much different we would be if we were both human. No I don't remember much about my human life but I do know that I would have had no reason to leave. No reason to cause her pain or put her in danger. No reason to ever think of hurting her. How much better I'd be for her.

My thoughts must have been pretty obvious on my face (which is rare) because she looked concerned and asked, "What are you thinking?"

"About if I were human, how much better off we'd be."

She gave me a sweet sympathetic smile. "Edward don't be that way. I love you just how you are. And anyway, if you were human who else would save me from everything?" she said with a chuckle.

I laughed as well. "That's true. You'll forever be accident prone. But I wouldn't have to save you from James or the Volturi or something."

"Edward…" She didn't finish, she just kissed me. I wrapped her leg around my own and ran my hand through her messy yet beautiful brown hair. I let my tongue roam her mouth and I felt her grip the back of my shirt hungrily. I've said before that she was "intoxicated by my very presence" but in truth she intoxicates me as well. It's so hard to control myself, the only way I can is thinking that I can kill her if I do. Although right now I let myself go a little further than usual and rolled on top of her. My fingers were still tangled in her hair and her leg was still wrapped around mine.

Suddenly I caught a strong whiff of her smell. My eyes shot open. Desire flowed through me. I was suddenly more aware of the blood pulsing through the veins in her neck. I was sent off into a frenzy. I bent down to her neck and my teeth started to sink into her.

She gasped. "EDWARD!"

Her scream seemed to bring me back to reality. I immediately jumped back off the bed across the room. We looked at each other in disbelief at what I'd just done.

She rubbed the side of her neck. "Ow…" she mumbled.

Why had I done this? I thought I had mastered my self control and here I was about to hurt her. Was she mad at me? Did she want me to leave? "Bella I…I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…I don't know what came over me…I'm sorry…"

"Edward…"

"Please forgive me Bella, I didn't mean to hurt you…"

She crawled over to the edge of her bed. "Edward…"

"I'm so sorry Bella…"

She stood up and put her hand over my mouth. "Edward!" I finally stopped pleading. "It's okay, you didn't hurt me. I'm fine."

I held her at arm's length. "It's not okay. I could have killed you Bella."

She put her hands on my chest. "But you didn't…"

I held her hands feeling ashamed of myself. "But I could have…"

She tried to come closer but I wouldn't let her until I was sure I wouldn't do this again. "I'm not mad at you Edward. I forgive you." Finally I let her come closer. She put her arms around my neck and stood on her toes to kiss me.

"I'm sorry Bella."

She laughed a little. Then she put her hand on my cheek. I felt her flinch from how cold I was but I held her hand there. "You're too hard on yourself."

I laughed slightly as well. "I can't help it. I would never forgive myself if I had hurt you." She kissed me again and I held her close but gently. Then I heard footsteps down the hall. Charlie was walking across his bedroom floor.

_Why was that girl screaming? Mybe another nightmare? I should go check on her._

I pulled away from our kiss. "Charlie is coming."

She sighed. "Crap, I don't want you to leave." She hugged me and I hugged her running my hand up and down her back.

"I'll be back later, then we can go to the meadow." I kissed her again then less than half a second later I was out her window. I hung onto the window sill though and peeked in. Her human mind obviously hadn't comprehended what I'd just done yet so she was looking around for me.

"Edward?"

I saw Charlie walk in. "You alright Bells?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay."

_She's definitely not okay_, Charlie thought. "You sure? Did you have a nightmare or something?"

Bella shook her head. "No, I'm fine." She was a horrible liar, not to insult my love or anything but I couldn't deny it.

Charlie narrowed his eyes at her. _Why does she always think she can get off lying to me about something? She knows she's a bad liar. Oh well, I won't press her about it. It's probably just some teenage girl thing. _

I jumped off the window sill then but I still heard the conversation.

"Okay then, get me if you need me," Charlie said. I heard his footsteps as he walked out of her room.

This was the worst part of any day. Leaving Bella alone. I knew she'd be okay; I'd be back in about an hour. I'd go home and get my car and I know Emmet and Jazz will want to mess around for a while. Still, I felt like something would happen to her. I heard a tap on her window and I turned around. There she was looking at me with that dazzling smile of hers.

"I'll be back soon," I called to her.

She waved. "Bye."

I waved at her then took off towards my house.

The End


End file.
